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18 things you only know if you have a big backside

     

            It’s safe to say that 2014 will be remembered as the year of the booty.
From Nicki Minaj’s Anaconda to Meghan Trainor’s All About That Bass and, of course, Jennifer Lopez and Iggy Azalea’s appropriately titled track, Booty, ladies everywhere have been celebrating their derrieres.
But while having a beautiful booty is now seen as a blessing, there are still many awkward moments that come with having a generous amount of junk in the trunk. Here are 19 things you only know if you have a big booty:

1. You’re not a clumsy person, but your backside is responsible for more smashed glasses than you’d care to admit. Whoops.
2. Putting on skinny jeans makes you sweat more than a spin class and involves jumps, wiggles and several lunges to get in them.
3. People expect you to be able to twerk better than Nicki Minaj, Beyonce and Iggy Azalea put together. Turns out you can. Well, almost.
4. Crying in the changing rooms of H&M is a favourite pastime of yours. Because those pesky skinny trousers/shorts/leather mini skirt just WON’T. GO. UP. past your ass.
5. Summer is a particularly distressing season because any item of clothing cut above the knees looks about 95 per cent more risque on you. Summer fashion staples like the denim shorts all of your smaller-butted friends wear look less cool Kate Moss, and more ‘stripper on a day trip’ on you.
6. Underbum. The less attractive ass equivalent of side boob. Yes, it’s a thing.
7. No matter how annoying Kim Kardashian is, you feel a special affinity with her because she made big asses cool. Now, how to get the number of that booty tailor?
8. Your ‘most embarrassing moment’ award goes to ripping the ass of your jeans while trying to ‘drop it low’ at your year 10 high school disco.
9. Cute summer rompers and playsuits = wedgie o’clock. In fact, you have to be super particular about what underwear or bottoms work for you, because your butt might just eat them.
10. Going down waterslides has always been awkward.
11. Wearing black leggings as trousers doesn’t work for you. Unless you don’t mind mooning absolutely everyone.
12. You may be a size 12 in a bikini top, but your bottom half has other ideas. Good job clashing separates are in.
13. Attempting to squeeze between tables in a bar or restaurant is hazardous. Always take the long route around.
14. Jeans never have enough ass room and if you were Prime Minister for the day, your first law would be that they should come with waist AND butt sizes. Sigh.
15. That one time you decided to try a bodycon dress, but the back rode up all the way up to your waist before you even left the house.
16. Your friends and sometimes even total strangers feel they have a right to poke, grab and slap you’re bum for no reason. Hilarious.
17. Everyone presumes songs like Anaconda and Destiny’s Child’s Bootylicious are your jam and will point at you when they come on in a club like you wrote the damn thing.
18. Even though it can be embarrassing, you’re proud of being a member of the big booty clan and you wouldn’t change it for the world.

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